I received this in email form this morning from a source within the NHS. It makes you think!
Q. Doctor, I've heard that a cardiovascular exercise regime can prolong my Life. Is this true?
A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it....Don't waste time on exercise, everything wears out eventually. Speeding you heart up does not make you live longer. It's like saying you extend the life of a car by revving the engine.
Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit & vegetables?
A. It is essential to have a balanced understanding of logistical efficiency. What does a cow eat? Grass, hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. Therefore a steak is nothing more than an efficient method of delivering vegetables to your system. Should you need grain - eat a chicken. Free Range Beef is a very good source of field grass, which is a green leaf vegetable. A pork chop will provide 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.
Q. Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A. No. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means that the water is removed from the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is made from grain as is whisky. Bottoms up!
Q. How can I calculate my body fat?
A. There is a very simple method of calculation; If you have a body and you have fat, the ratio is one - to - one. Two bodies two - to - one. Got it?
Q. What are some of the advantages for participating in regular exercise?
A. Err...can't think of any. My philosophy is 'No Pain - good'.
Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING. Most food is fried in VEGETABLE oil nowadays. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q. Will 'sit ups' prevent me from getting a little soft around the tummy?
A. Definitely not. When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only do sit ups if you want a bigger tummy.
Q. Is chocolate bad for me.
A. At the risk of repeating myself. Chocolate comes from cocoa BEANS. Beans = vegetable. Therefore chocolate is good for you and the best feel good food around.
Q. Is swimming good for your figure?
A. If swimming is good for your figure - explain a whale to me!
Q Is getting in shape good for my lifestyle?
A. Hey, 'round' is a shape!
I hope that this has explained any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
With regard to your actual lifestyle, remember; Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body - but rather to skid in side ways - chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly shagged out and used up and screaming "WHOO-HOOO, what a ride"!
AND for those who insist on watching every mouthful of food, here's a final word on nutrition and health. Its a relief to know the Truth after all of the conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat - and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat - and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine - and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine - and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer, eat a lot of sausages and fats - and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION
Eat and Drink what you like.
It is Speaking English that kills you!!!
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